I don't have much to post. I just try to make it through each day, one at a time. I wish Chris was here. Poor Raylen is trying his best to be the "man of the house".

feeling extremely alone

I am not doing good these days. I am an introvert and lately I have become worse. Chris is gone and this is the most I have ever missed him. Sounds bad but it is just that I can normally handle alot of things on my own and right now I can't. He was out of work for three months and we were almost okay with savings but then with the moving it dragged us down. Well guess who is stuck with all of the phone calls and trying to find money on a tree? Plus trying to get the house settled and the animals settled. And then there is Raylen. We went to a barbque today at an uncle's house and well, he didn't feel like he fit and and wanted to go home as soon as I got there. It broke my heart. I wanted to move so he could get away from some of the things I went through and yet he is still turning out like me. To top it all off the friend I am going to see tomorrow went to VA first. Yes to where I just moved from to see some of our old school friends. Well I lived there fro 11 years after moving back from England and no one wanted to catch up with me while I was there. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy when she keeps sending me texts of I am with so and so do you remember them. Then even though I moved away from my mother she can still call and make me feel like crap. Sorry but I had to vent Chris isn't off of work and I really don't have any friends here yet like that is a surprise.

Have a great fourth all.

A little about me

I just thought I would tell a little about myself. So here goes. I am very private. I don't go out and I don't really socialize. I have been very hurt by people growing up by people who were suppose to be my friends and even my own family. So I am not very trusting or open.

Now saying that this fourth of july I am going to meet up with an old "friend" who just one of these people. We were only in the eighth grade the last time I saw her and we have done alot of growing up since. She even apologized for the things she did, the first time we talked since that time. Here is the thing, I am actually very nervous. I shouldn't be. She has been very supportive of me on some things and always checks up on me on fa.ce.book. It is still not the same as seeing each other in person and having the security of the phone or computer screen in between. I have been to therapy and I still just can't get over some things or I should say I just can't forget. This all seems so silly but maybe its just the emotions of being pregnant.

Thanks for reading.

Week 15

Today is the start of week 15. I have so much to do. Raylen got here this weekend and we have tons to do. Chris also left for VA and from there he goes to California for three months. So I really don't have much to write about.

A "plan"

Well the decision on helping our friend was a no brainer. When I talked to Chris, he said of course, I was wondering when you were going to say it. So here is our plan right now. First of all get everything situated with the house and kids. Raylen is still not here yet and I think I should get them all settled. Then call my RE. I had already talked about T to my RE so it will just be all paperwork and they handle it. I know I will have to be tested again for everything. So I know you will read this T, get in touch with us!

baby

13 weeks 1 day. Need I say more?

New start

Well we are "in" the new house. I say "in" because we are here but not totally unpacked and well Raylen isn't here yet, not until school is out. So new house and new job going great. Of course some things could be better but hey they could be worse too.

I started showing so I had to go get some maternity clothes because none of my pants fit. It is sooner than I thought, but not complaining. My next appt is the 17th.

I have been doing alot of thinking about a friend I have never met, which I am sure she will read this. With all that I have been through infertility wise, she has been through more. She has an amazing support system with her family, something I wish I had. Seeing her amazing strength gives me insperation to do more for my family even though they don't for me. Anyways I still need to discuss things with Chris but we have 14 snow babies and well maybe I could help her and her husband out. Its a thought that has been going through my mind since we finally got our positive test.

Well I hope everyone is well. I need to go unpack more.